at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
