Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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