you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
