found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
