Duck Duck Cougar?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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