Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
