i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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