I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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