They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
