All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
