Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
