A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
