i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize