theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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