god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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