When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
