I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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