I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I bet he comes in French.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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