She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
