A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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