Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
