you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
