The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
