I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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