First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
