Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
