I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize