he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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