barbara walters just said penis...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
