dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
