Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
