I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
