Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize