he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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