Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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