Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
