Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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