I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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