why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
