Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
