You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
