Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
