If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize