It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
