This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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