There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
