Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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