I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
