I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
