I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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