i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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