let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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