Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
