I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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