i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
