I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
