Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Pants 0. Shit 1.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
