I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
