White coat. Heels.
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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