FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
