I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
