After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
