Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
