Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
