Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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