yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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