he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
