my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Dick very happy bro
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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