Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
