y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
